Excuses, excuses, excuses… an endless cycle of excuses. June has been a very difficult month for me creatively. I’ve always wanted to assemble a mobile; the delicate dance of balance intrigues me and I would like to attempt the challenge. I received the invitation to my friend’s baby shower and immediately thought, “I’ll make the baby a mobile!” The shower was yesterday, it was not a mobile that was given. And the adventure to that was a true head ache.
I tried to adapt what I wanted to do into something I thought someone else would want. That behavior is a detrimental flaw in my nature. Every time I started the project I talked myself out of how I was going about it. I would settle on another notion and talk myself out of it. I would begin execution and I would be irritated with every cut and seem. On this project, the perfectionist arises and bashes my interpretation into a mutilated mess until I have no idea what I’m trying to do. This may sound extreme, but I assure you, that’s what it feels like. I completely break down and my head feels like it’s filled with cement. Again, this is not an exaggeration.
I put the painting aside to work on the mobile. I put the mobile aside to breakdown. Creativity coming to a heavy halt, I shut shown. My thoughts were sticky and I became forgetful. It has been a downward spiral I have not at all enjoyed. When I decided to put it aside I felt incredible relief. I took a power nap and woke up feeling clearer and lighter.
I do still want to build a mobile someday, but for now I think I’ll continue with my paintings, because it seems like when I deter to work on something else I stumble into a dark hallway.
Sigh….. moving forward…..
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