on wit's edge

My relationship with my current painting is in turmoil. I need to break away from it for a minute or two. It's just not.... working out. It's not the painting, it's me. I'm realizing that I'm simply not currently great at backgrounds. The same thing happened with the paining of my brother this fall. As soon as I let go of trying to have a background; voila, fell together with ease.

To clear the frustration and hesitation I felt a deep need to paint something else, and it came with great ease. From cutting and stretching the canvas to hanging it on the wall it took 2 1/2 hours. The process of this painting felt amazing....

This is a different sort of posture, and emotional one. It represents how this painting has been making me feel. I'm going to do what I can not to give up on the other painting. I just need to find the key to understanding what I'm missing.

This is where it currently stands....

The reasons I why I'm determined to find the right path with this painting....

Anyone have any notions or advise on what I'm missing?

breathing through it

I've been working on this painting for some time now. I believe this is the longest I have ever actively worked on a painting (outside of the time I put in thinking about them). I noticed this week that I hadn't worked on it and reflected on why. I concluded I had become too attached to the outcome.

This is how it has sat this week.....

It took me a great deal of time to get the floor accurate, the bend in time and space I was looking for. I fidgeted over it for a couple weeks. And though I like the depiction of the bend in time, I've been uncomfortable with the perspective of it....  and the technique I used to paint it, just not me.... so today I took a deep breath and let go and made this adjustment....

My heart is more comfortable with this.

It may not look like much, but I assure you it is, just the process of letting go of the attachment has opened up the painting....

There seems to be more stability in the posture of the body in the previous, but I think that's what makes the slight change somewhat exhilarating for me.... I need to help her (me) find that stability again. 

I have an idea for the remainder of the background; have yet to figure out how to execute it though. This painting has been a process indeed. As much as it has made my stomach spin and brain twist, I'm enjoying the ride.

Mental Floss

I can finally see what I would like the background to be in my latest painting, but I'm having a difficult time translating it to the canvas. Rather than erupt in frustration I decided to deviate for a moment.

I've been wanting to edit, so I decided to take twenty minutes and I shot some footage around my apartment and cut it together. It always a surprise to me that a story unfolds when I do these....

Okay, back to trying to portray waves in space and time.....

returning to color

I worked on my newest painting a little bit this week. I went to the Boston MFA to see their Degas exhibit over the weekend and well, inspiration isn't the word for what I took away from it, affirmation is more appropriate. I noticed that in most of his work, there was a focal point which he focused on greatly, with great detail and then everything else appeared much looser, almost as if he simply felt obligated to paint the rest of it. I often find myself doing something very similar. I took this attitude with me as I sat with this recent canvas.... 

 I don't think there is any debate that the foot is the focal point... then the hands look more like chicken paws. I have a lot of attention to give what I have already worked on, but I'm very happy with it thus far. I'm a little hesitant to move forward in fear of not being as content with it.

At this point I'm wondering what to do for a background. I have a plethora of thoughts floating around but nothing is sticking and forming into an idea.

Also, if you look between the arm and leg, where the chest ends, there appears to be an image of a face in the canvas. The only thing I've done there is put some white over stray sketch marks. I definately see my face in it though. I'm wondering if I should add my face.....

my Degas approach

For years I have looked at Impressionist art with disinterest. After visiting the Barnes Foundation last spring something shifted. Though I still haven't felt any sort of awe when looking at a Renoir or general still-lives, an intrigues has risen. Primarily in their execution of skin tone, especially Degas.

The project that I have been idling towards fuses my love for art history with my paintings. I intend to study the style and techniques of artists then apply the theory to my own approach. I've decided to start with a self-portrait with the hope that I won't get too hung up on accuracy on the initial embark into the project. For this portrait I have chosen Degas.

Degas is famous for his paintings of the ballerinas and capturing a fleeting moment. The moment is not captured with quick strokes, everything was studied and methodically executed. As he experimented with techniques he also returned to using mediums that had fallen out of fashion such as pastels. He also experimented with how to frame the subject. All of these nuances interest me and hope that someday someone may say the same about me. It seems like a natural fit.

Rather that dress in a tutu, I have decided to paint myself in a different sort of fleeting moment, a yoga posture. Yoga is a significant part of my life and I have been having a difficult time to balance my yoga studies and my painting. I seem to go through phases of one or the other. In attempt to forge this balance, I shall incorporate yoga into my Degas approach....   here is my initial sketch....

Not what you were expecting is it...

balancing wholeness

It's been over a month since I've released my paintings into the world; my wall looks empty and I admit I miss them. I've been staring at naked frames for quite some time now and I intend to cover them and adorn them, starting today.

I knew there would be a certain amount of lag time in between projects; I believe that is normal. I've noticed that I've been more scattered and thoughtless the past couple weeks. I contribute that to not painting; creating. I've begun studies in other aspects of my life and while finding balance in that practice, I lost it in my creativity. Now. Now I am going to find a balance between my spirituality and creativity; my intellect and my heart. To be continued.....

Age and Vinnie

As suspected, I took my time with this painting, but less in procrastination and more in affection for the subjects. These stunning creatures are very dear to me. There were days that I added only a stroke. It was a very meditative process. And the painting is very simple, which I feel symbolizes the purity of the relationship between a mother and her new born child; within the chaos of midnight feedings and constant diaper changes comes a moment such as is captured in this painting, a moment of pure peace and bliss.

I now begin the journey of beginning my new series of portraits. More on that, soon to come....

Divide, deliver, amerliorate

I've been working on this series for seven months with intention; to re-gain my style of interpretation and painting of people. An idea came to mind last October that I am determined to begin realizing. I feel comfortable with the progress I've made with my work both emotionally and execution. I'm working on a painting (you can see it there unfinished two over from the lamp). I'm currently taking my time with it because it is happening with such ease. No tension. No apprehension. And perhaps to drag my feet in actually starting the project I started talking about almost a year ago. This is why I write about it now. I have found this blog very helpful with my maintaining a gratifying discipline in my work. Posting my thoughts seems to alleviate the boundless excuses I come up with.

Tomorrow I begin the process of taking the paintings off my wall and giving them away. I feel this is an important part of the process for me. I was on a semi-long car ride last weekend and Wilco's, "What Light" came on (a song I like very much) and these lyrics were very clear to me...

And if the whole world’s singing your songs
And all of your paintings have been hung
Just remember what was yours is everyone’s from now on
And that’s not wrong or right
But you can struggle with it all you like
You'll only get uptight

Another intention I had when starting this process was to get to a point where I felt like I had a body of meritorious work to show in a gallery. I do feel that the work current residing on the wall of my home is laudable, on the other hand I feel its essence is singular in it's reach and am distributing the pieces to those who are subjects in them. In the past I have always just hidden my work in the closet; there is seven years of work in my utility closet developing mold as I write this. I hope delivering these pieces to those interpreted within them will be a mode of growth.

the journey my brother unknowingly took me on

Last week I posted about my vision issues and the portrait of my brother, Greg, or as I often lovingly call him, Bub. I wasn't the only one that was perplexed by this painting. It was hanging near my door and a couple of my friends saw it, they both knew it was Bub, but also didn't hesitate to agree that there was something very unfinished about it; that it didn't feel right. So I whited out the eyes and adjusted the hat, the two things that stuck out the most to me....

It was a little better. I stared and still didn't know where to go with it. Then, Cozette sent me an amazing email that was brilliant and liberating.

                          "I was thinking about what you said - about how you cropped the painting of your brother to hide his double chin. And you know it feels that way - like you're hiding something." "Art isn't about being nice or polite. This is probably the hardest thing I have to overcome in my own work - it goes against my nature in many ways. And the thing is you've totally done this - it's what I love about the painting of me and the one of Adrienne that is so strong - there is an honesty present - your interpretation - but it's present."

Reading this blew my mind ever so slightly. I went back to the canvas an just whited it all out to start over, more honestly. I love my brother, he is one of my best friends. We have many similarities and many differences. One thing we share is our enthusiastically elastic facial movements.  So I did this....

He kind of looks like he's swishing something in his mouth, but I think that's kind of funny and works. This one didn't photograph very well. I like it in life much better than this image. His face looks more twisted somehow in the photo image.

With that said... this is the first male face I've done in this series, as well as the first ear. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. But few things really ever are. The thing I find most interesting about this one is that the style, strokes and tones, looks more like the paintings from earlier in the series. The recent portraits have been more fluid; softer almost. I'm going to be mindful of the types of energy I have when I paint and see if there is a difference. This painting was a promise to myself. Not an obligation, a promise. And there is another painting that I have been eager to start. So I'm wondering if there is apprehension and tension involved here that I didn't intend. We'll see how the next one results. I am going to go stretch the canvas and start this afternoon. I'm curious....

post script: this is also the first time I didn't have a photo to go off of... this is all me, which I should have started with because it's pretty exciting. I've painted from memory of a photo... but never just painted from the mind, at least not in this portrait series. 

Working Postures

When I don't have a pocket to put my hand in... I tend to find myself up on my stool in a squat. I've become aware that I sometimes forget to breathe as I paint. Having my hand in my pocket or being in a squat with my chest all closed off could be major culprits of this. I've been thinking about altering my work area in someway to assist in breaking these habits, but I've been working in this way for at least a decade, I'm not sure where to begin. An easel? I went away from the easel because with the way I work... they bounce. I'm not a fan of my canvas bouncing while I paint.

hampered perception

Last week I was working on a painting of my brother. Whenever I stepped back to look at the whole of it I felt nauseous and anxious. I assumed that it just wasn’t right, my gut was telling me.

The more I worked on it the more my body began to react to the image on the canvas. As I was near, and working it seemed right, felt right. I would step away and feel frantically unsatisfied. Even thinking about it now, I’m a little queasy.

Come Sunday, I couldn’t get my eyes to focus on the canvas at all. At first I thought I was intellectually rejecting the painting, but my vision didn’t get any better as I spent time away from the canvas. I realized that the issue was stemming from my physical vision, not my intangible one. I went to the optometrist and the prescription for my lenses has changed quite a bit, and overnight it seems.

 The first thing I saw when I got into my home from getting my new lenses was the painting. I turned the light on and CLICK, I immediately saw the problem, the eyes and the perspective of the hat. It’s the same thing that happened with the second painting of Cozette (04/04/2011), which I walked away from before I was satisfied. I’ve promised myself that I’m not giving up on this one. I’m going to take the opportunity to turn this into a learning experience and solve this. My goal is to work with what I have already done, not start over. Stay tuned....

Self-Portrait 08/07/11

I've been away from painting for a couple months. I decided to return to it by means of self portraiture. I'm looking at this paining adjacent to the self portrait I did in February (which was the painting the truly spring boarded this blog) and I am.... I'm excited. Over the recent six months I can see more confidence and more personality in the work.

 

 

Self-Portrait 02/14/11

I  fell away from painting before finishing one of the Marie paintings. I think I'll ride this excitement and return to her, give her a mouth; she deserves a mouth.

hand in pocket

I realized tonight that I paint with my hand in my pocket.

As you can see, I'm working on a painting. I hope to have it finished tomorrow. I need to walk away to give my body a rest, some counter posturing is needed.

I would like to take a moment to comment though, it's Lucille Ball's 100th birthday. Happy Birthday Lucy where ever you may be, and thank you. She was a remarkable woman. She had a plethora of misfires in her career before her landmark television series. She was 40 years old when I Love Lucy first aired; a testament to her persistence and resilience. An inspiration. 

Maud Lewis

I spent last weekend adventuring around Nova Scotia with my aunt Kara. When we were in Halifax the weather turned a little and it got very damp out, so we decided to wait it out in the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia.  This is when I discovered the work of Maud Lewis. Her hands were badly disfigured by juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, but that didn’t stop her from painting. 

 

She and her loving fish peddling husband, Everett lived in a smaller than small cottage in Marshalltown, Nova Scotia from 1938 until her death in 1970. She painted Christmas cards, shutters, plates, quilts, anything she could get her hands on. Everett would go door to door trying to sell the little paintings. 

 

Maud and Everett lived their lives in poverty, but Maud being a compulsive artist, Everett made sure she always had beaverboard and oil paints. You can see her devotion to him in her work; there are always two deer, two oxen, or a man and a woman. Her work is minimal, painted directly from the tube. I was struck by the character and whimsy of her work. I was an instant fan, and quite inspired.  

Absolutely love this one!!!

instinct vs. intellect

I have come to the opinion that a certain amount of forgetfulness comes from living in the moment.  I have a friend who can sometimes come across a bit of a flake.  She’s responsible, intelligent, thoughtful, and has a great sense of time, but it sometimes seems like her memory is on the fritz or she didn’t listen or something. That’s not the case. This woman has an amazing capacity to live in the moment. I can’t help but conclude that one has to do with the other. 

I, myself, usually have a remarkable ability to remember things.  I’m constantly analyzing, processing, speculating, accessing, and making cognizant observations. On the other hand, sometimes I’ll find a piece of writing or a sketch and I know that I did it, but have absolutely no memory of it whatsoever. This video piece, for instance... I was looking for a different video file and came across it. I do know that the footage is from Ireland last July and Rye Beach (NH) last year’s Labor Day. Taking the date of the file into consideration I assume this is what I cut together to test which editing software to get.  I honestly, have no memory of editing the piece together. I can tell I did though; it has some of my trademarks… looking down at my feet, light and shadow, and play with frame speed.

It’s not the greatest or most cohesive thing in the world, but I can see what I was trying to do. These little moments of forgetfulness are precious.  I get to see myself slightly, from the outside.

I’ve always thought I took an intellectual approach to art, but I feel inclined to alter this thesis. Intent appears to be the extent of acuminous labor in my process.  I could never discuss my method of how I get from onset to conclusion.  I have a notion of my technique; it’s a point of view thing. I however have no idea how to define my approach. The paint makes it onto the canvas in no particular manner (outside of with a brush).  This is a liberating understanding.