arrested development

Excuses, excuses, excuses… an endless cycle of excuses. June has been a very difficult month for me creatively. I’ve always wanted to assemble a mobile; the delicate dance of balance intrigues me and I would like to attempt the challenge. I received the invitation to my friend’s baby shower and immediately thought, “I’ll make the baby a mobile!” The shower was yesterday, it was not a mobile that was given. And the adventure to that was a true head ache. 

I tried to adapt what I wanted to do into something I thought someone else would want. That behavior is a detrimental flaw in my nature. Every time I started the project I talked myself out of how I was going about it. I would settle on another notion and talk myself out of it. I would begin execution and I would be irritated with every cut and seem. On this project, the perfectionist arises and bashes my interpretation into a mutilated mess until I have no idea what I’m trying to do.  This may sound extreme, but I assure you, that’s what it feels like. I completely break down and my head feels like it’s filled with cement. Again, this is not an exaggeration.

I put the painting aside to work on the mobile. I put the mobile aside to breakdown. Creativity coming to a heavy halt, I shut shown. My thoughts were sticky and I became forgetful. It has been a downward spiral I have not at all enjoyed. When I decided to put it aside I felt incredible relief. I took a power nap and woke up feeling clearer and lighter. 

I do still want to build a mobile someday, but for now I think I’ll continue with my paintings, because it seems like when I deter to work on something else I stumble into a dark hallway. 

Sigh…..   moving forward…..

walk don't run

This is the start of my newest portrait of Marie. I'm posting this work in progress not to show the development and process of it, but in order to share the change in the process that I've experienced today.  I've been away for my creative habit for a short while. I have never been this consistent in my productivity. Usually there is an entire year in between my creative bursts. I'm sure that my process is constantly changing. Today the difference has been striking.

Typically I spend a long time with the image I'm interpreting, spend some time with size and shape of the canvas and sketch out the primary image.

Today I woke up, made coffee and started painting without sketching any markers. I painted the hair and the hands. Then I left to spend the day with a friend. (Great day Cozette. Thank you.) I continued as soon as I got home. I painted a base coloring of the face and eyes. I walked away for an hour or so and returned to start adding definition to the nose. The mouth and everything else is still completely without gesture. I haven't been over speculating features, nor am I all too concerned that the nose is not at the right angle. I think this may be the slow return of the clarity I obtain when I paint.

Looking at the current status of the painting I'm very happy with today's work. I've decided to walk away in hopes of getting a good night's sleep and intend to return to it tomorrow evening. Hopefully the clarity will continue to grow and I will find that peace when I finish it.

getting the funk out

As you may be able to tell, I haven't been posting often lately. This is a direct reflection of my productivity. I've been in a spiral of excuses and mind numbing t.v. crime dramas. This is pretty normal for me. I have spurts of prolific creative expulsion. And I have spurts of reclusive fermentation. It became clear to me that I absolutely had to reconnect with the former.

It may seem like I've been dragging my feet on my Marie series, but that isn't the case.  The paintings in the portrait series that I have presented in this blog prior have all been created out of a place of clarity and excitement. After a couple of weeks of slopping around in mental murk and lethargy I have spent the last couple of days with my friends and rebooted.