balancing wholeness

It's been over a month since I've released my paintings into the world; my wall looks empty and I admit I miss them. I've been staring at naked frames for quite some time now and I intend to cover them and adorn them, starting today.

I knew there would be a certain amount of lag time in between projects; I believe that is normal. I've noticed that I've been more scattered and thoughtless the past couple weeks. I contribute that to not painting; creating. I've begun studies in other aspects of my life and while finding balance in that practice, I lost it in my creativity. Now. Now I am going to find a balance between my spirituality and creativity; my intellect and my heart. To be continued.....

Age and Vinnie

As suspected, I took my time with this painting, but less in procrastination and more in affection for the subjects. These stunning creatures are very dear to me. There were days that I added only a stroke. It was a very meditative process. And the painting is very simple, which I feel symbolizes the purity of the relationship between a mother and her new born child; within the chaos of midnight feedings and constant diaper changes comes a moment such as is captured in this painting, a moment of pure peace and bliss.

I now begin the journey of beginning my new series of portraits. More on that, soon to come....

Divide, deliver, amerliorate

I've been working on this series for seven months with intention; to re-gain my style of interpretation and painting of people. An idea came to mind last October that I am determined to begin realizing. I feel comfortable with the progress I've made with my work both emotionally and execution. I'm working on a painting (you can see it there unfinished two over from the lamp). I'm currently taking my time with it because it is happening with such ease. No tension. No apprehension. And perhaps to drag my feet in actually starting the project I started talking about almost a year ago. This is why I write about it now. I have found this blog very helpful with my maintaining a gratifying discipline in my work. Posting my thoughts seems to alleviate the boundless excuses I come up with.

Tomorrow I begin the process of taking the paintings off my wall and giving them away. I feel this is an important part of the process for me. I was on a semi-long car ride last weekend and Wilco's, "What Light" came on (a song I like very much) and these lyrics were very clear to me...

And if the whole world’s singing your songs
And all of your paintings have been hung
Just remember what was yours is everyone’s from now on
And that’s not wrong or right
But you can struggle with it all you like
You'll only get uptight

Another intention I had when starting this process was to get to a point where I felt like I had a body of meritorious work to show in a gallery. I do feel that the work current residing on the wall of my home is laudable, on the other hand I feel its essence is singular in it's reach and am distributing the pieces to those who are subjects in them. In the past I have always just hidden my work in the closet; there is seven years of work in my utility closet developing mold as I write this. I hope delivering these pieces to those interpreted within them will be a mode of growth.

the journey my brother unknowingly took me on

Last week I posted about my vision issues and the portrait of my brother, Greg, or as I often lovingly call him, Bub. I wasn't the only one that was perplexed by this painting. It was hanging near my door and a couple of my friends saw it, they both knew it was Bub, but also didn't hesitate to agree that there was something very unfinished about it; that it didn't feel right. So I whited out the eyes and adjusted the hat, the two things that stuck out the most to me....

It was a little better. I stared and still didn't know where to go with it. Then, Cozette sent me an amazing email that was brilliant and liberating.

                          "I was thinking about what you said - about how you cropped the painting of your brother to hide his double chin. And you know it feels that way - like you're hiding something." "Art isn't about being nice or polite. This is probably the hardest thing I have to overcome in my own work - it goes against my nature in many ways. And the thing is you've totally done this - it's what I love about the painting of me and the one of Adrienne that is so strong - there is an honesty present - your interpretation - but it's present."

Reading this blew my mind ever so slightly. I went back to the canvas an just whited it all out to start over, more honestly. I love my brother, he is one of my best friends. We have many similarities and many differences. One thing we share is our enthusiastically elastic facial movements.  So I did this....

He kind of looks like he's swishing something in his mouth, but I think that's kind of funny and works. This one didn't photograph very well. I like it in life much better than this image. His face looks more twisted somehow in the photo image.

With that said... this is the first male face I've done in this series, as well as the first ear. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. But few things really ever are. The thing I find most interesting about this one is that the style, strokes and tones, looks more like the paintings from earlier in the series. The recent portraits have been more fluid; softer almost. I'm going to be mindful of the types of energy I have when I paint and see if there is a difference. This painting was a promise to myself. Not an obligation, a promise. And there is another painting that I have been eager to start. So I'm wondering if there is apprehension and tension involved here that I didn't intend. We'll see how the next one results. I am going to go stretch the canvas and start this afternoon. I'm curious....

post script: this is also the first time I didn't have a photo to go off of... this is all me, which I should have started with because it's pretty exciting. I've painted from memory of a photo... but never just painted from the mind, at least not in this portrait series. 

Working Postures

When I don't have a pocket to put my hand in... I tend to find myself up on my stool in a squat. I've become aware that I sometimes forget to breathe as I paint. Having my hand in my pocket or being in a squat with my chest all closed off could be major culprits of this. I've been thinking about altering my work area in someway to assist in breaking these habits, but I've been working in this way for at least a decade, I'm not sure where to begin. An easel? I went away from the easel because with the way I work... they bounce. I'm not a fan of my canvas bouncing while I paint.

hampered perception

Last week I was working on a painting of my brother. Whenever I stepped back to look at the whole of it I felt nauseous and anxious. I assumed that it just wasn’t right, my gut was telling me.

The more I worked on it the more my body began to react to the image on the canvas. As I was near, and working it seemed right, felt right. I would step away and feel frantically unsatisfied. Even thinking about it now, I’m a little queasy.

Come Sunday, I couldn’t get my eyes to focus on the canvas at all. At first I thought I was intellectually rejecting the painting, but my vision didn’t get any better as I spent time away from the canvas. I realized that the issue was stemming from my physical vision, not my intangible one. I went to the optometrist and the prescription for my lenses has changed quite a bit, and overnight it seems.

 The first thing I saw when I got into my home from getting my new lenses was the painting. I turned the light on and CLICK, I immediately saw the problem, the eyes and the perspective of the hat. It’s the same thing that happened with the second painting of Cozette (04/04/2011), which I walked away from before I was satisfied. I’ve promised myself that I’m not giving up on this one. I’m going to take the opportunity to turn this into a learning experience and solve this. My goal is to work with what I have already done, not start over. Stay tuned....

Self-Portrait 08/07/11

I've been away from painting for a couple months. I decided to return to it by means of self portraiture. I'm looking at this paining adjacent to the self portrait I did in February (which was the painting the truly spring boarded this blog) and I am.... I'm excited. Over the recent six months I can see more confidence and more personality in the work.

 

 

Self-Portrait 02/14/11

I  fell away from painting before finishing one of the Marie paintings. I think I'll ride this excitement and return to her, give her a mouth; she deserves a mouth.